Grief Is Not an Emotion: How Grief Changes the Brain at Work

Grief is a physical change in the brain.

This matters for HR leaders and managers because grief doesn’t just affect how people feel.

It affects how they think, decide, and perform. And when that’s misunderstood, organizations manage the symptoms instead of the cause.

Most leaders are operating with an outdated understanding of how grief works.

They, like most of us, want to do the right thing. They want to be respectful. They want work to feel supportive, not intrusive.

And yet, so many are quietly confused when grief shows up at work in ways they didn’t expect.

Because what’s happening isn’t just emotional.

It’s neurological.

The Real Problem

The real problem is this:

Grief is still treated like a feeling that should resolve with time, rather than a physical change in the brain that affects how people think, focus, decide, and interact.

So when performance shifts or behavior changes, leaders often misread the signals.

They assume motivation is dropping. They assume engagement is slipping. They assume the employee is “back” because they’ve returned to work.

But the grieving brain doesn’t care about anyone’s assumptions. 

Why This Matters

Grief shifts how the brain operates. These shifts aren’t attitude problems. They’re signs of reduced cognitive bandwidth in a grieving brain.

• Sales numbers soften without a clear explanation.

• Irritability increases, and team collaboration frays.

• Procedures that were once automatic now require more effort and mistakes creep in.

• Engagement dips, not because people don’t care, but because their cognitive load is already maxed out.

On the surface, none of this looks like what most people think “grief” will look like.  

It looks like a performance issue.

A cultural issue.A leadership issue.

And it often gets managed that way.

Things to remember when grief shows up at work. 

#1: Grief changes how the brain uses energy.

After a loss, the brain is constantly processing in the background. It is processing the absence of someone who mattered while also trying to function in a world that expects normal output. That internal conflict is exhausting, even when the employee looks “fine.”

#2: Cognitive capacity is temporarily reduced, even in high performers who are highly motivated to do well.

Memory, concentration, decision-making, and emotional regulation are all affected. This is why high performers are often the most confused. They know what they should be able to do, but their brain isn’t operating at full capacity yet.

#3: Grief shows up system-wide, not just individually.

One person’s loss can affect team dynamics, communication patterns, and psychological safety. An employee's death has even more far-reaching ramifications. When leaders don’t name what’s happening, teams fill the gap with assumptions, frustration, or silence.

A Practical Reframe

The reframe is simple, but uncomfortable for many organizations:

An EAP is a resource, not a strategy.

EAPs can be helpful, but when they are the only response, you are asking grieving employees to do two hard things on their own:

1. Identify that grief is affecting their work and well-being. (They like you don’t know about the myraid of ways that grief affects them.)

2. Find the courage and capacity to ask for help while already depleted

A more effective priority is to be proactive and normalize the grief conversation.

Talk about grief as a predictable workplace experience. Acknowledge that it affects the brain and work capacity. Set expectations for flexibility, check-ins, and support before performance problems appear.

This reduces guesswork for managers and pressure on employees.

Grief at work is not a character issue. It’s a neurological reality.

When organizations plan for it, they reduce errors, preserve trust, and stabilize teams faster.

People don’t just cope better. They work better, too.

If you’re an HR leader or manager looking for clear, practical guidance on supporting grieving employees at work, this is exactly the work I help organizations do.