#2 Three Common Mistakes Leaders Make after An Employee Dies

As a leader, making mistakes is part of the job.  

And like mistakes in general, some mistakes are more costly than others. 

Unfortunately, leaders make more costly mistakes than usual when it comes to employee death. 

And that's understandable. 

How to manage a grieving team is not an MBA course, nor is it something that many managers and HR leaders often consider, even in large organizations where death is more common.

But employees die. They die on the job. They die on their way to the job, heading home from the job, and in between the job.  

If leaders don't know what to expect or what to do, they can make costly mistakes that hinder their ability to lead effectively during crises and in the future.

These mistakes also cost organizations millions due to mental wellness, retention, and productivity. 

Knowing how to lead after an employee's death is not just about doing the right thing; it's also about a company's bottom line.   

The three mistakes below are not the only common mistakes that HR and leaders make, but they are the ones that cause a leader a lot of grief (excuse the expression), unnecessary frustration, and disengagement with the team in the months after an employee's death.  

Lastly, these mistakes are things that an employee assistance program should support but don't!

Here are three common and costly mistakes that leaders unintentionally make that negatively impact their team.

Mistake #1: Assuming that the team is okay because there are "no signs" of grieving.

What are the signs of a grieving person?

Crying right? Sadness, yes? But who cries all the time? And who weeps openly at work? How exactly do you "see" sadness? 

Let's take the opposite view. What about signs of joy or happiness? Are people who are happy always smiling when they do their work? Is a team member "bounding with joy" all the time? What does contentment look like at work? Are there any outward signs that you can think of right now?

Probably not.

The problem is that we have a very narrow view of what grief looks like, and that view includes outward signs of grief. Grief, like all emotions, is internal. You may think you're seeing it, but crying does not mean they're grieving. They have to tell you why they are crying!   

We can't tell from the outside what someone if feeling on the inside.  

So, just because your team doesn't "look" like they're grieving doesn't mean they aren't.  

An invisible sign of a grieving team member may be a drop in productivity, while another team member might start missing deadlines or work. Leaders need to be aware of the many characteristics of grieving teams.

(I'll share those in an upcoming video.)

Mistake #2: Not doing weekly grief check-ins.

This ties into #1. If you don't "see" your team grieving, you assume that doing grief check-ins is unnecessary.  

A grief check-in is when you take a moment during the day, during a meeting, or during your already scheduled 1:1 to check in with your employee to see how they are managing their grief.  

You're not a therapist, so these check-ins are not about you emotionally supporting them. They are about you checking in and helping them understand how grief may be affecting their work.  They can also help you and your team normalize grief, an essential step in increasing engagement and productivity ahead of the curve.  

Now, I know the idea of setting a weekly 1:1 to talk about grief feels deeply uncomfortable, but that's where we have you covered. We provide our clients with short, natural-sounding scripts to help them have these conversations! 

(I'll be sure to talk about this, too, in an upcoming video!)  

Mistake #3:  Assuming that grief is over after a few weeks.

I gave a book to this guy I was dating, written specifically for a person who is dating a widow. After he finished, I asked what part surprised him the most. He said, "That grief doesn't end."

I was surprised because, having been a widow for 15 years, I'm very aware that grief doesn't end. But he had not suffered a significant loss in his life, and so how on earth would he know?

So, let me help you out a little. Grief doesn't end. 

It can be very intense in the beginning, and then it eases. However, grief isn't over. The grief your team is experiencing depends on many factors, their past experiences and their relationship with the deceased team member, to call out just two. Some of your team will be dealing with their grief for months. But grief doesn't end.  

And when a manager acts like the person isn't missed or thinks their team should be back to normal just weeks after the loss, damage occurs to the leader's ability to lead effectively.

This is why I often recommend that leaders mark a few milestones after a loss. It signals an understanding of grief and that the grief process isn't over, and it shows empathy, garnering respect from the team.

So, there you have it. The three common but costly mistakes leaders make after an employee's death.

If you have a specific question about managing a grieving team, discussing death at work, or effectively supporting a grieving employee, reach out here or on LI. I'd be honored to help. 

Lastly, remember you matter! Thanks for showing up today!