What Employees Really Need When They Return After a Loss (It’s Not “Take All the Time You Need”)

Stop saying, "Take all the time you need." It's not helpful to you or to them.

When an employee returns to work after a death, most leaders feel unsure.

They don’t want to say the wrong thing.

They don’t want to overwhelm them.

And they’re trying to keep work moving.

Here’s what research tells us. Grief impacts:  

• concentration 

• memory

• energy 

• processing speeds

• emotional regulation 

• and decision-making.

It can even create safety risks in manufacturing and airline roles.

So the question isn’t “How do I give them space?”

It’s 

How do I support them while keeping work safe and productive?

I wanted to conduct some research to validate the advice I've been sharing with others. It was very satisfying. Here are the top nine recommendations from leading publications that I stand by. And … what every leader who is dealing with a grieving employee should know.

1. Lighten their workload — temporarily.

Pause or postpone nonessential tasks. Grief reduces working memory and cognitive load. DO not, however, remove all the hard things. That can be a big demotivator and deepen their grief. (HBR, 2017)

2. Remove them from safety-critical tasks early on.

Operating machinery, driving, and inspections — grief affects judgment and attention. (PubMed, 2020).

3. Add short, structured check-ins. (Structured is the keyword here.)

10 minutes every day or two keeps clarity high and overwhelm low. You are not their grief therapist, and your job is NOT to make them feel better; it’s to make sure they and you are setting and checking in on realistic expectations. (HBR, 2017).

4. Create predictable breaks.

One 5-minute mid-shift break or a meeting-free block helps stability. (Marie Curie UK).

5. Make an “overwhelm plan.”

When a grief wave hits, they should know exactly what to do — and who will cover their work. Notice I didn’t say “if.” Just because you may not see it doesn’t mean it did not happen.  

6. Use small, time-bound flexibility.

A shift swap or a ±60 minutes on start times (when operationally possible) goes a long way. Make sure to bookend this. i.e., “For the next two weeks…” Leaving things indefinite is a recipe for resentment and lower productivity.  

7. Let them choose what coworkers know.

If HR has not asked this question of them, you need to ask them no later than their first day back. This prevents retelling, which can increase emotional exhaustion. No on wants an emotionally exhausted employee on top of a grieving one.  (HBR, 2017).

8. Adjust expectations for a short window.

This ties into #6. Many employees can regain capacity quickly with the right structure (Hansen, 2024).

9. Offer support — don’t require it.

Give them EAP or grief resources, but let them choose (SHRM).

Working with a grieving employee is not about lowering standards.

It’s about leading with clarity, structure, and humanity during one of the most disorienting moments of a person’s life.

If your organization is looking for a grief advisor and practical tools for navigating grief at work, let's talk.

👉 [www.workplacegrief.com](http://www.workplacegrief.com)

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